Day #61: Distraction Finds A Way

Hello! Welcome back! If you’ve been around on the blog lately, you would knowI was doing a personal challenge of not having social media for 100 days. (If you missed this blog you can check out all the details on my 100 Days with 0% Social Media blog). It is currently day 61 and I figured it was time for a check in. 

As you can probably infer from the title- I have still somehow found useless ways to distract myself from my goals. The whole purpose of me deleting social media and taking a breather from the internet was to be able to focus on personal development and goals I have for myself. While saying that I have still found distractions may seem like I am failing in my goal entirely- I would like to take the time today to discuss why I think it is actually the opposite. 

Over the past 60 days- it has been at the forefront of my mind- my intentions to better myself, to grow, and to figure out who I am as an individual before a whole other individual is born in February/ March. I thought it was important to ground myself and even discover who “myself” was before I lose sense of time due to sleep deprivation and being a new mother- an entirely new identity in itself…and I have…somewhat. 

While I haven’t been a A+ student in accomplishing day to day goals such as meditating or working out- I have accomplished discovering things about myself I have previously ignored or was simply unaware of. 

1.  I have discovered that when I am stressed- I tend towards total shut down. I have a fear of failure and when you are barreling full steam towards the unknown- there is a lot of potential for said failure. 
2. I discovered I am incredibly more judgemental of myself than I am of others. If anyone had come to me and said, “I am pregnant, not feeling well, stressed, and overwhelmed- so I might not be performing at my top notch potential.” I wouldn’t hesitate to comfort them and say right back, “That’s okay, you are trying your best, take your time- you don’t have to be perfect at everything.” However- I have been incredibly harsh on myself. My poor boyfriend had to hold a giant puddle of tears (me) together while I cried about feeling useless and overwhelmed. (He should get brownie points- because it’s hard to console a trainwreck.) 
3. I am incredibly stubborn about my independence. Facing that I will not be the one paying the rent or buying the groceries here in a few months causes a sense of internal panic. I have had to work on learning how to accept help- and learn how to trust my partner in being a team. 
4. I am a toddler- in spirit. If I tell myself I have to do something- my brain does everything in its willpower not to. Like right now- you might be like…well you’re writing in your blog! I am doing so in order to avoid doing homework that I need to do. Why? I don’t know yet- for now it’s because I am a toddler. 

While these all sound like derogatory things- they aren’t. They are just things in “my system” that I hadn’t really faced yet and never really wanted to acknowledge. 

1. I have also discovered that I don’t really care if I have a phone or entertainment when I get to stay home and be cuddled up in a hug. 
2. I have discovered reading again as a replacement distraction. 
3. I really enjoy podcasts about personal experiences and listening to true crime videos while I clean. 
4. I have gotten into an artsy/ craft mood lately and that has been really fun. 

So today’s overall moral of the story- what matters is not really how easy the little steps are for you- it’s if you get where you need to go. I have personally struggled on being the most efficient person as of late. BUT- I have been discovering who I am and what I need to work on…and that was really the main purpose of this little experiment. 

That is all for now- I hope you all have a great rest of your day! Happy reading and I will see you all again here soon! 

-Kayte