Hello again- this is your local stay-at-home mom coming to explain the hardships of motherhood and also some of the highlights. I want to keep this blog all about lifestyles and not necessarily about motherhood- however, I believe some of you have children and I think the rest of you could take tidbits of my thoughts and apply them to yourself.
That being said- the hardships. Before I had a baby…I had 24 hours. 24 hours to choose how I spent my time, how I managed my life, and who I decided to spend it with. Now I am on a three-hour life cycle. I work on the baby’s time. He wakes up, I change a diaper, he eats, he …plays? If so I have about 30 minutes to eat, clean, lay on the floor like a potato-you get it. Then he screams. He wants to play or be held, or just move from where he is and then he is worn out. And then he naps. Then the cycle starts again. Out of every three hours I have anywhere from 15 to 60 minutes to choose how to spend my time.
Do I spend it on my family by cleaning or cooking? Do I be selfish by eating or just sit and exist without someone clinging onto me? My priorities become urgent and on a time limit. I can no longer put things off- or if I do the house looks like I have done nothing all day even if my day was consumed by trying to do everything.
So let’s address the negatives:
-It’s stressful. I am a very anxious person in general who deals with ADHD (which inhibits my ability to tell what is an urgent priority or if it is just a hyper fixation.) A baby has accelerated these symptoms and has created a lot of stress. Which we know stress can cause health issues, communication errors, etc.
-I am tired all the time. Even when I get the sleep I feel myself plotting what I am going to get done in that 1 hour. It is also exhausting having a 24-hour job that has very sparatic and unpromised lunch, pee, and sleep breaks. Then those breaks tend to be taken over with personal todos.
-It is so easy to lose yourself. When your job is to take care of everyone else- it is hard to remember to keep yourself on the roster.
-Raising a child- triggers your inner child. Every mistake your parents made haunts you and every mistake you make scares you. Sometimes its easy to lose track of what YOUR child needs vs what YOU INNER child NEEDED. It’s a slippery slope.
That all being said- I would like to address how being a mother and also having a healthy and mindful lifestyle a main priority has changed me for the better.
-I don’t avoid my problems as much anymore. I have a short time limit so I rip bandaids off of things a hell of a lot faster than I used to. I don’t sleep for hours in a dark room hating myself for not doing laundry. I either get it done…or I am too busy to so I can’t worry about it.
-Healing myself and taking time to face my own insecurities and trauma has become a priority. I cannot be the best mother I can be if I am constantly licking and then ignoring my own wounds. While a forced resurface of trauma is not easy- it was needed.
– I now, more than ever, notice that taking care of myself is so important if I want to take good care of my family and those I care about. If I don’t eat, exercise, drink water, or take a break when I can or need it- I burn out fast. SO much of my energy is constantly exerted on my son and partner that if I don’t chill every once in a while, I break. Before I could coast for years…no I can stumble for a few days before crashing.
-Everything I do translates to our son. Our actions are always influential to those around us, but having a little one constantly watch me and then mimic me- is a daily reminder to have good and healthy actions and reactions. It reminds me to eat well, act well, & emotionally regulate.
The three-hour life cycle is one of the hardest things I have been a part of- but it also has been one of the most healing. If you are a parent- this is a reminder that YOU are a priority. How you function teaches your child how to function. If you are dysfunctional they will absorb that dysfunction as well. If you are not a parent…you are still a priority. If you want to change the world you first have to be able to change the little things in your own life that hinder your brightest and best self from shining.
Even if you have all of your 24 hours- use them well. Stop ignoring your problems, stop avoiding your space, stop ignoring yourself. Our time is not promised- so use it wisely. When your time gets cut into thirds you realize the importance in the minutes.
That is all for today. My blog is still not up and running so if you get to this blog- congratulations you found it! Thanks for reading my rambling thoughts- hope you felt you used your minutes wisely. Have a wonderful day- see you next time.